I wish every weekend was as glorious as this one...

Man. I've been kind of lame when it comes to this whole blogging thing. I would apologize, but I'm not really that sorry. Life has been busy and there hasn't been a whole lot of wondrous happenings to report.

Except for this past weekend.

Behold.

I experienced my first ever Renaissance festival, and really, I don't even know what to say about it. Except for BOOBS! So many of them. And chains. And funny and wacky people. And elf ears. And velour. Lots and lots of velour.

It was a wonderful weekend with some of my best friends in some of the best places.

Silent movies, pizza, shopping, Ren Fest, gift exchanging, spa visits, blueberry muffins, traffic, and Heineken. It's hard to beat that combination.

A Practically Perfect Afternoon.

There are so many reasons why I love this time of the year,

but I think one of the greatest is the way the landscape evolves and progresses in color and life. The sun isn't quite so warm and the wind isn't quite as strong.

It seems to me as though the earth is taking a long and wondrous breath,

its' belly soft and russet and wonderful.

Today I headed out to the local state park. I brought Marlo, a book (Annie Dillard's An American Childhood that my amazing momma sent my way), and a blanket. We were the only ones on the lake for a good long while.

We hiked for a bit and I slept for an even quicker bit and then we just sat, the two of us while I did some talking with God.

These pictures are completely awful really and don't do the day justice, but they are all I could snap before my camera's battery said fare thee well.

On the way home, with Marlo's head in my lap and the windows down, I listened to these guys, and all was complete.

I hope all of your Monday afternoons were as lazy and autumn-spiced as mine.

Hard Hats.

Alright.

So here's the truth of the matter.

I need a revamp.

This blog needs a revamp.

My brain needs a revamp.

My hair needs a revamp.

So does my closet.

And all of my bookshelves.

As well as my cheese intake, my checking account, and my laundry habits.

I think my heart and soul could use a bit of revamping as well.

And so, I'm trying to get on with it. Enough with the talk, and more rock! as they say.

I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of missing friends. I'm tired of missing who I used to be and who I used to be with.

Really. I'm. Just. So. Tired.

Thank you, the few kind individuals who meddle through this dreary mess to pop in and say hello. Thank you for allowing me to be nothing except who I am (even if, as my lovely sister likes to tell me, all I do is WHINE, WHINE, WHINE! and then I tell her that, oh yeah? well it's my blog, and I'll whine if I want to, and then she says, but Courtney, seriously, you're life isn't that tragic and I'm all like, I know! I do! I'm just getting things a bit sorted out up in here and oh, gosh, look at the time, don't you have a poetry slam you should be getting to?)

Anyhow.

All of this to say:

(photo by hellochris)

Glee.

Taking a study break to watch this little gem.

I'm convinced that everyone secretly sings these songs, voices cracking, in their cars or in their rooms and pretends that, for just a moment, they are on a well-lit stage harmonizing with the cute football jock while flashing some well-toned, sequin-clad legs...

No? Just me?

Ok then.

p.s. Sorry for the obnoxious commercial at the beginning. The price of Hulu, my friends...

Underwears...

More rain. Actually, if I'm going to be completely forthright, it's more of a BOOM, SNAP, CLAP kind of storm going on.

I don't mind it. I'm bundled up inside studying for the three mid-terms I've got going on for the next three days and trying not go crazy while chasing Marlo through the house as she attempts to steal and chew every pair of underwear I own. Her favorite pair is grey with pink piping. Ironically enough, they are my favorite pair too. What can I say? The pups has good taste.

(Too much information? Yeah, well, it's Monday morning and I'm only on my first cup of coffee. That's the way the cookie crumbles.)

Here's to a warm and cuddly Monday to you all. I'll be here with my dog and my underwear.

Sunrises.

I witnessed this early Monday morning. This is why I love driving. You can't get rear views like this one on an airplane.

This morning has proven to be one that Mother Autumn would be proud of. I'm trying my very best to enjoy the small things of this day- the leaves dancing, the smell of my new candle burning, the thought of my beautiful friend's new baby that I was able to see Wednesday evening- these are the things that make our lives rich.

Again, thank you all so much for your encouragement. Life continues to surface, with all of the things that I need in the moment magically making their way to the top. I've been a bit absent from everything lately- from school, from my house, from this blog, from myself really... but I am really wanting to get back in touch. Sunrises like this one remind me why.

... Without fear...

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for my family and I these past few days.

West Texas was just as I remember it. My Mama and Papa's house was just the same as well, except that instead of an exuberant southern grandmother waiting to greet us when we walked through the door, there were rows and rows of casseroles and hams and pies brought over by neighbors and friends. That's one thing about the south- in times of trouble there is ALWAYS food to help ease the pain.

But truly, all was as it should have been. My mama would have loved every second of us all being together. She would have loved the words spoken at her service and the hydrangeas that lay across her casket. She would have loved our time spent sifting through her many books and our laughter and recollection of old memories. She would have been so excited to watch all of her children and grandchildren gather together in one space, unhurried and without distractions. I think we honored her well.

And yesterday, before I left, I found this card on which she had written a short prayer. It was tucked away beneath stacks of papers, and as I read it I felt as though her words were a gift to me- a gentle reminder of how simple our prayers should be.

"Dear Lord, I will try to look forward to the changes in my life without fear... I know you will lead me safely up every path. Amen."

Perfect.

Thank you Mama.

My Sweet Mama...

Yesterday, on the way to the baby celebration, I received a phone call from my mom. She was calling to tell me that my mama (her mother) had passed away early yesterday morning. I was going to see mama that very day, excited to see her and the rest of my mom's side of the family in a few short hours. She had just written me a sweet letter this past week telling me how she was so looking forward to "hearing all about things and my life."

I so wish now that I had taken a moment to write her back and let her know how excited I was as well. I thought that I would be able to hug her and tell her all about those things she wanted to hear about.

But, now, instead of gathering for the baby shower, we will be gathering for a different kind of reason- to celebrate my beautiful mama's life.

Off to West Texas I go.

I'm leaving early tomorrow morning and will be back mid-week.

Casablanca.

I don't know if you all have been tuning into this show or not.

And yes, while I have been trying to cut back on my t.v. watching, it's doesn't help that the funny has been amped up this season. I mean, between this one and Glee, my t.v. cravings are successfully met.

Anyhow, ladies and gentlemen, Modern Family. If you aren't watching it, you should be.

Weekend!

It's a beautiful day out today. Close to perfect I would say.

I've got some more studying to do and then it's off to the big city once again. This time it's for a different kind of celebration- a baby shower for my cousin's lovely wife. They are going to have themselves some twins!

And I thought memorizing the DSM-IV was tough.

Happy weekend all!

Fire.

This was my work station yesterday evening,

where I studied until the late hours of the night.

Sometimes I forget what it is all for. I feel so discouraged and uncertain and incapable.

I wonder if I am doing the right thing.

I found myself staring at the flames in front of me for a long time. And I was reminded of this quote that I read last week in Emerson's essay "The Poet".

"But the highest minds of the world have never ceased to explore the double meaning, or, shall I say, the quadruple, or the centuple, or much more manifold meaning, of every sensuous fact... for we are not pans and barrows, nor even porters of the fire and torchbearers, but children of the fire, made of it, and only the same divinity transmuted, and at two or three removes, when we know least about it."

Food for thought.

Birthday Recap.

Birthday weekend was officially a success. I felt so loved it was ridiculous.

This morning I'm recapping and drinking out of this wonderful mug that my brilliant mother found for me on one of her thrift store navigations. I'm telling you, she is the master of thrift.

Look! It's a "This American Life" mug! With a cartoon of Ira Glass! I mean, come on. That's just straight yuppie funny right there. And I love it.

(She also sent me about a thousand other little wonderful goodies, but I had to post a picture of this one because it's a THIS AMERICAN LIFE MUG! With a cartoon of IRA GLASS! Do I need to repeat myself?)

Ok. So the weekend included a fabulous and swank suite downtown in the big city.

There was bed jumping.

There were margaritas and Mexican food.

There was quintessential gas station junk food purchased for the drive.

There was dressing up and cocktail drinking and downtown perusing and morning hot-tubbing and barefoot-breakfast-eating. And there were three of the loveliest and dearest friends a girl could ask for.

Thank you all so much for helping to make this birthday (the one I was dreading so very much) very, very special. My cup runneth over.

I'm about out of time here, but I just wanted to share a few highs and lows of the past couple of days.

High: Yesterday was Thursday! Which was one day closer to Friday!

Low: I discovered a large check had bounced in my account and I spent the better part of my Thursday pleading with my bank to erase the NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS in fees that had accrued in a mere six hours...

High: My Nebraska boys won last night. Straight up.

Low: It's raining. Again.

High: It's my birthday!

Low: Marlo just pooped about 29 times throughout the house. I think she sensed the need to bring down this celebration.

High: The new itunes. Seriously. Have you guys downloaded/updated your program yet? It's

sheer awesomeness.

Low: My legs are hairy.

High: I've got some of the greatest friends in the world.

Low: Did I mention it's raining again?

I'll be out on the town tonight and tomorrow, but I'll be sure to share documentation upon my return.

Happy Weekend everyone.

Some more Holga Love.

For those very few of you who care to see this stuff, I thought I would share a few photos that I recently had developed. The processing is a bit tricky, and the lab here in my small little part of the world isn't the best. I'll most likely start sending my film out, but for now, as I'm still learning the ins and outs of all of this, it's fun to sift through what some might consider a pretty useless roll of film and find the interesting nuggets. I like to think of it as some kind of magical scavenger hunt. There are many surprises to be found in the mishaps, no?

This is actually two images on top of one another. Flowers, flags... and the local police department. Americana at its finest.

My beautiful friend Jill. She has one of my favorite laughs of all time. I should probably tell her that.

Again, two images over-laying one another. But look closely. Boggle snuck its way in.

Front yard.

I just like the color and contrast of this one. Don't ask what I was shooting at. I definitely have not a clue.

This might be my favorite of the bunch. I like this girl a whole lot.

Here's to Thursday. Happy Living, everyone.

Monday Love.

As I keep discovering, blogging truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

I used to feel a bit self-conscious about my love of blogging, thinking that somehow it served as a lazy way for me to communicate and relate to those around me. Or I thought that maybe I just was enamored with the "publish post" button that allowed my words to magically appear for MILLIONS of people around the world to discover (obviously a book deal was just around the corner). And then, still, sometimes I wondered if it was only a kind of self-serving activity, providing the opportunity to whine and complain passive aggressively without ever having to manipulate my vocal chords.

I wondered what it really was good for, all of this blabbing and joking and photo posting.

But then, very slowly, I started to "meet" other bloggers and read their stories and glean encouragement from their comments. I started to smile at their victories and learn from their mistakes and look forward to hearing about their next adventure. I started to feel inspired by their endeavors and excited by their compliments. And, in the end, I realized I had stumbled into a little community of sorts. I discovered new people and places. I felt that I was challenged by these people. And, in the end, I think I decided that the blogging community was encouraging me to grow and learn and become a better person. And if that isn't worth something, than I'm not quite sure what is.

So, with that being said, I wanted to share a couple of the great blessings that the blogging world has sent my way the past few days.

1. I just read about this one this morning and I couldn't be more excited. Rhianne over at For The Easily Distracted has come up with a brilliant plan, and she's calling it The Photo Swap. I'm participating and think it's a really interesting way to engage with and get to know some new people and places. Check it out and spread the word!

2. I recently received my necklace in the mail that I won from the wonderful Being Brazen a few weeks back. I am in LOVE with it. Seriously, go check out Being Brazen and when you are finished jump over to Howlindoggie's Etsy Shop. The jewelry is amazing. Many thanks to them both.

3. And....don't hate me kids, but I won a SECOND GIVEAWAY!!! I know. What are the odds? I'm telling you, the blogging stars have aligned and they spell COURTNEY IS A ROCK STAR (or maybe, COURTNEY IS REALLY POOR SO SEND HER FREE FABULOUS GIFTS TO MAKE HER HEART SMILE)!!! And you have no idea how thrilled I am. I like to think of it as an early birthday present:)

What's Your Virtue? Lipglosses

Courtesy of Lipbliss!

Many, many, many thanks to Natalie over at (No) Sex and the City. I LOVE her blog (and I think I secretly... or not so secretly... want to change places with her for a day... I mean, the girl's on BROADWAY! How much fun is that?) Thank you Natalie! And many thanks to the crew at Lipbliss! You've officially made my week!